Winning Friday’s $970,000,000 Mega Millions may have long-shot odds (1 in 350,575,350 in fact), but it’s that 1 that could turn a USA Lottery winner nearly into a billionaire overnight. If it’s going to happen to someone, why not you?

And speaking of the odds of winning Mega Millions, how does it compare to long-shot events happening all around the world, like becoming a billionaire or getting a hole-in-one while playing golf? Let’s find out.

Odds of winning the Mega Millions $970 million jackpot on Friday, October 19, 2018

  • 1 in 350,575,350

But what if I buy 350,575,350 tickets?

  • 1 in 1

Can I make a profit if I buy ALL the tickets?

Technically, yes. A single Mega Millions ticket cost $2.00, so you’d need $701,150,700 to guarantee to win the jackpot. Taking the lump-sum payment would give you $416,936,000 after the 24% federal tax, but if you take the annuity option, spreading the payments over 30 years, then after taxes you’d win a total $737,199,990 for a profit of $36,049,200. This varies depending on if your state has taxes on lottery winnings. Howe—

*Rushes out the door and calls Jeff Bezos to ask for a $701,150,700 loan*

—ver, it would only be worth doing if no one else could buy a ticket since you might have to split the winnings if someone picks the same winning number as you. It’s not every day you can win close to a billion dollars, so buy only what you can afford, and who knows, Friday may be your lucky day.

Odds of winning Mega Million prizes

  • Jackpot: 1 in 350,575,350

Yeah, I know that already because you’ve mentioned it three times since I’ve been here. What about the other prizes?

  • $1,000,000: 1 in 12,607,306
  • $10,000: 1 in 931,001
  • $500: 1 in 38,792
  • $200: 1 in 14,547
  • $10: 1 in 606
  • $10: 1 in 693
  • $4: 1 in 89
  • $2: 1 in 37
  • Winning any prize: 1 in 24

Alrighty, now that we have the facts, show me those odds for other things happening that you promised.

Odds of being elected President of the United States

  • 1 in 32,600,000

What about becoming a billionaire?

Odds of becoming a billionaire

  • 1 in 4,908,835

What about becoming Donald Trump?

Odds of becoming Donald Trump

  • 0 in 0

That’s fine. I have better hair anyways.

Odds of having a child who is a genius (150 IQ or higher)

  • 1 in 1,100

It’s a good thing I have amazing jeans!

Odds of getting accepted after applying to Harvard University

  • 1 in 18

What about Yale?

Odds of getting accepted after applying to Yale University

  • 1 in 15

Yale it is then!

Odds of becoming an astronaut

  • 1 in 12,100,000

Those odds are naut half bad.

Odds of being canonized as a saint

  • 1 in 20,000,000

Amen to that!

Odds of dating a supermodel

  • 1 in 880,000

I wonder if she likes coffee…

Odds of finding a pearl in an oyster

  • 1 in 12,000

I wonder if she likes pearls…

Odds of high school athletes going pro

  • NFL: 1 in 4,233
  • NBA: 1 in 11,771
  • MLB: 1 in 659
  • NHL: 1 in 598

I knew I should’ve taken those free ice skating lessons as a kid!

Odds of bowling a perfect 300 game

  • 1 in 11,500

Not if you use the bumpers!

Odds of a golfer getting a hole-in-one

  • 1 in 12,500

It’s actually 1 in FOOOORE!!!

Odds of being dealt a royal flush on the opening hand in poker

  • 1 in 649,739

Read ‘em and weep, suckas!

Odds of being injured at Yellowstone National Park by a grizzly bear

  • 1 in 2,700,000

But if you’re Oscar-winning actor Leonardo DiCaprio, the odds plummet to 1 in 1.

Odds of being attacked by an unprovoked shark

  • 1 in 11,500,000

I read that scientific research and in-depth analysis from years of studies showed that this number falls to 0 when people avoid going to the beach.

Odds of being struck by lighting

  • 1 in 1,171,000

But can I survive after getting struck by lightning?

Odds of surviving after getting struck by lightning

  • 1 out 10

I guess it doesn’t matter that “lightning never strikes twice” is a myth, since I can get struck 9 more times before my luck runs out.

Odds of being bitten by a snake in the United States

  • 1 in 37,500

These people obviously didn’t have Samuel L. Jackson around, but maybe that only works while on a plane…

Odds of dying while flying in a plane

  • 1 in 11,000,000

And that’s really the safest mode of transportation according to the National Safety Council?!

Odds of being killed by a vending machine

  • 1 in 112,000,000

They probably had it coming to them because vending machines don’t kill people without being provoked first.

Odds of being killed by a falling coconut

  • 1 in 50,700,000

That’s coconuts!

Odds of being diagnosed with the plague

  • 1 in 46,600,000

Oh no, don’t tell me that’s making a comeback?

Odds of dying

  • 1 in 1

Okay, OKAY! Enough with the brutality and mortality facts already! Let’s end with something positive, please!

Odds of Lloyd Christmas ending up together and lives happily ever after with Mary Swanson in “Dumb and Dumber”

  • 1 in 1,000,000

So you’re telling me there’s a chance?